ILIM Commands All Liberals to Go Forth and Procreate
So, last week I was struck dumb (okay, struck dumber) by news of the worst kind.
It appears that conservatives are procreating at a much greater rate (worldwide and in the U.S.) than liberals are.
Here’s a great piece about it on NPR.
Within the story, the tidbit that cracked me up the most is that – the state that has the highest birthrate is Utah (regarded as a very conservative state), and the state with the lowest birthrate is Vermont (regarded as a very liberal state).
The scariest tidbit - and the only natural conclusion - is that...overtime, the world will become more conservative.
Unless there's a 1960's style shake up. Usher in a new era of free love, but this time ease up on the birth control!
Here are my theories:
First, I simply refuse to believe that conservatives have more or better sex than liberals. That’s impossible.
But I think liberals use birth control more often than conservatives do.
Liberals also don’t have (at the same rate) a religious motivation to go forth and procreate.
Liberals are more likely to buy into the whole ZPG (zero population growth) philosophy and either have fewer children, or no children.
Volvo doesn’t make a mini-van, and so Volvo-driving, latte-drinking liberals can’t fit very many kids in a car*and therefore don't have very many kids.
*Although the Volvo SUV can seat as many as seven passengers (so a lesbian, gay, interracial or Unitarian couple and their five kids could fit in it comfortably) and has a nifty latte holder, it is still out because true liberals don’t buy SUVs.