mardi, octobre 04, 2005

Stand Firm for the Right, or: Guess Where William Is Going

Somehow, I got on the email list for OKRA, the Oklahoma Republican Assembly (and I ain’t ate okra since). In spite of some humorous emails from me asking to be removed, my address continues to receive the vilest mailings from the strangest groups (where "vilest" = "most conservative" and “strangest” = “most republican”). Below is an article that I received as part of a mailing from the NFRA, the National Federation of Republican Assemblies.

As you read it, note a few things:

Apparently a hurricane Katriana caused a natural disaster approaching Biblical proportion. I haven’t even heard of hurricane Katriana, but I’ve always feared (and adored) eastern European women, so I would have really feared any storm named after one.

As it appears in the below:

“Katriana” = “Katrina”
“jeopardies” = “jeopardizes.”
“boarders” = “borders”
“consort” = “concert”

When you encounter it, forgive the clause “obligations of Americans is," the author is fond of subject and verb disagreement.

For fun, after the sixth “whereas” clause, try to guess what this life, liberty and pursuit of happiness resolution will resolve.

When you encounter it, forgive the construction where two singular nouns are combined as subjects for a plural verb, as in: “The President and the Congress takes action…”

The author, whom I assume claims English as his native language, is apparently delivering babies somewhere in the United States.

Be afraid.

My feelings regarding the lack of care show by the good doctor in crafting his resolution are transferable to my feelings regarding the subject of the resolution itself; they may also be transferred to concerns I have related to a lack of care he might show in all things, say, for example, the practice of his profession.

And now, without further ado, ILIM is proud to publish/ridicule…


WHEREAS: The United States of America has suffered a natural disaster approaching Biblical proportion in the form of hurricane Katriana.

WHEREAS: Hundreds of thousands of American citizens have been forced from their homes and from the cities wherein their lives were based, and lived.

WHEREAS: President Bush doesn’t like black people.

[okay, okay, I added that one]

WHEREAS: A great preponderance of those displaced Americans will not be able to return to their homes, or to the life they knew, within the foreseeable future, if at all.

WHEREAS: Many of these dislocated Americans will, of choice or necessity, take up residence and be forced to begin a new life in a strange environment, and location.

WHEREAS: It is a well established truism, that the darkest hour in an individuals life may in retrospect, if properly handled, be that glorious moment of new and estimable life. For, "All things work for the good for those who believe."

WHEREAS: Virtually all, if not all, of the Sovereign states which comprise the United States of America have opened their borders, their hearts, and their hospitality to these genuine victims of said catastrophic disaster.

[Okay, try to guess what the resolution is about!]

WHEREAS: Many said states including, but not limited to: Texas, New Mexico, Arizona, and California are seriously impaired, or in an actual state of emergency secondary to the sizable number of illegal aliens residing within, as well as those myriad numbers continually entering said state.

WHEREAS: Many of the services seriously jeopardized by the sheer number of illegal aliens, within many of the Sovereign states within this great nation, which already jeopardies, the Life, Liberty, and Pursuit of Happiness of American citizens include but are not limited to; Health, Welfare, Education, Employment, and Protection.

WHEREAS: The vast majority of Americans sympathize with, and have compassion for, any people who desire to escape the financial and social hardship of their own country. However, said sympathy and compassion by no means justifies the condoning of illegal activity or illegal immigration which will, and does, deprive American citizens (native or foreign born) of essential services or job opportunities.

WHEREAS: Illegal immigrants, most notably from Mexico [sigh – this is so uncalled for. If we’re being attacked by hurricanes from Eastern Europe, shouldn’t we target Eastern Europeans for our xenophobia?], do create an undo drain upon the aforementioned services, as well as occupying job positions which will be needed by American citizens, particularly in view of the aforementioned disaster and displaced Americans.

WHEREAS: The obligations of Americans is to Americans first.

WHEREAS: The obligation of the Federal Government of the United States is not only to protect our boarders against invasion, but to provide an environment conducive to; Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness for Americans first.

WHEREAS: The aforementioned provides an opportunity for President George W. Bush to stand firm for the right, as well as to enhance his legacy as a great American President.

RESOLUTION: Be it resolved that: President George W. Bush, in consort with the Congress of the United States of America immediately:

A) Takes the necessary actions to close our boarders to illegal immigration. Said boarders to include, but not limited to, our southern boarder with Mexico.

B) Takes the necessary actions to repatriate all illegal immigrants presently residing in the United States of America to their country of origin.

Dr. Wm. Scott Magill F.A.C.O.G

Where F.A.C.O.G. = Fellow of the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists