Who Knew the Election Would Impact Gas Prices So Profoundly (and So Quickly too)

On the way to work I stopped for gas at one of the worst gas stations in the metro area. Something is always broken at this gas station. The pumps never work, the car wash doesn’t dry your car, the fuel is watered down, and the staff is rude. The only thing that doesn’t suck at this gas station is the vacuum. It’s also about 300 yards away from a Twin Cities International* airport runway. While you pump you gas, you can count on being blown off your feet and deafened all while your nostrils are assaulted by jet fuel.

But they usually have low prices.

Anyway, I was greeted by a big sign reading “under new management.” I was cautiously optimistic.

I followed the proper protocols:

I opened my gas latch.
I unscrewed and removed the gas cap.
I inserted and then quickly removed my credit card.
I said “yes” to the car wash.
I selected the “Express Wash”
I lifted the nozzle.
I inserted the nozzle in my car.
I selected my fuel grade.
I pressed start.
I squeezed the trigger.

And nothing happened. I squeezed the trigger again. Nada. Zilch. Zero. Nary an ounce of petrol.

I cancelled my transaction then drove to pump 9.

I followed the proper protocols again.

I opened my gas latch.
I unscrewed and removed the gas cap.
I inserted and then quickly removed my credit card.
I said “yes” to the car wash.
I selected the “Express Wash”
I lifted the nozzle.
I inserted the nozzle in my car.
I selected my fuel grade.
I pressed start.
I squeezed the trigger.


And nothing happened.

I left the trigger squeezed and went in to ask them to turn on pump 9.

Let me add that it was windy and cold and that my repeated efforts to get gas at this gas station had me out in the elements with an inadequate jacket, no hat, and no gloves or mittens, for quite some time. Two big old jets went by. Big old jets.

The “new management” at the gas station, by its actions, suggested that the pump was fine, but that the customer was a doggone idiot.

So they sent someone out to show me how to pump gas.

Friends, I’ve been pumping gas for more than 20 years, and I can’t be all that dumb – I voted for the Democrats!

He followed the proper protocols (or steps 6 through 10 anyway):

He lifted the nozzle.
He inserted the nozzle in my car.
He asked me to select my fuel grade; I did so.
He pressed start.
He squeezed the trigger.

And….nothing.

He repeated the steps. Same results.

Then the “new management” guy told me to try pump 8.

I told him that would be my third one this morning. He shrugged and walked away. I guess the new management hasn’t had time for any customer service training just yet.

I was on my way to pump 8, when some less-than-kind person backed into the spot like I wasn’t there. I had to back up so that he wouldn’t hit my car.

I had enough and decided that after work I’d get gas somewhere else. I only needed to make sure that I had enough to get to work and then, on my way home, to a filling station with competent leadership.

What I saw surprised me.

For the second time this week, God smiled upon me.

My tank was full - the cost to me?

Nothing. Nada. Zilch. Zero. Nary a nickel.

Best. Week. Ever***.


*The 8th busiest airport in the world. Yes, I know, that’s what I said (only I didn’t use profanity, and shame on you!). I heard it on NPR, so it must be true. While I’m at it, 62% of Minnesotans voted – which makes us number one in America**.

**And means our American “experiment” in Democracy is not going so well. Politics are too mean, it’s too hard to register, it’s harder still to vote, and you’re just going to end up with a lousy Governor because of a stupid third-party anyway.

***And yes, I gave thought to going back to negotiate some kind of payment. I just got gas for nothing. But what would I pay them? And, perhaps more to the point, how long would it take me to explain all this to the “new management?”