You're a Mean One, Mr. Duf; or: Don't Blame Me, Blame Aerenchyma; or: I Promise to End the Week on an Up Note

Somewhere in our backyard, below approximately 10 inches of snow, are my wife’s house and car keys. Dropping keys in snow is like dropping them in quick sand. No mark is made where they entered. They don’t make a sound when they land to let you know they’ve fallen. And they are just gone. Only difference is, with keys in snow, you get them back in April rusty but functional. It happened while I was in San Diego for work. It was an accident, but maybe it was one of those sub-conscious accidents which happen for a reason (to highlight what a bad husband I am for leaving to a sunny destination during a snowstorm and for doing it 30 minutes after my wife’s birthday party!). We have a metal detector on loan from a friend, pray for us.

Urrrrrrghhhhhhhh….

No, Duf…not during the holidays…

Acccccckkkkkkkkkkk….

I feel a rant…..must suppress ran…..mmmmmmmppppppphhhhhhhh

Ggggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrmmmmmmmmpppphhhhhhhhhh…

Can’t do it:

What slayed me most whilst I was away was Bush’s admission that the intelligence which served as a basis for our war against Iraq, was flawed. Is that right? Holy cow! Unreal. Like he ever believed the intell was legit in the first place…like he wasn’t part of the cabal that selectively sent intelligence to the Senate…like neo-cons haven’t been making the case for war against Iraq since even before Bush was elected…like his cabinet isn’t made up of neo cons…like Rummy and Ricey didn’t, immediately after 9/11, start thinking about how this might get us into Iraq(look kids, every cloud does have a silver lining!*)…like that wasn’t the goal all along…like he didn’t “part company” with anyone like Powell who didn’t line up behind the game plan…like the area isn’t strategically interesting for its mineral wealth…like he’s anything but a hack for big oil…like it isn’t all part of an orchestrated spin to sell us on something…like now that we’re committed it’s okay to mention that he relied in good faith on bad info…like his burden BEFORE people started dying wasn’t higher…like his good intentions matter to people’s whose kids and husbands and wives and mothers and fathers are dead…or wounded…or have significant head injuries…like his “oops, my bad” matters to the soldier who came back messed up and put a rope around his neck…like you can wash it all away with a magnetic ribbon on your car (easy to remove, no damage to your SUV - you can place it right next to your "W**" sticker!)…like that means the torture is still justified…like that means the wiretaps are still justified…like that means the secret torture prison in Afghanistan was justified…like it makes it okay to treat the Bill of Rights, like we’ve treated the Koran…like that means we should have a record federal deficit…like it’s all good because they had an election in Iraq…like they’re a democracy now…like we’re a democracy now…like the insurgents, the lack of infrastructure, the lack of utilities, the suicide bombings, the devastation to hospitals and schools and drug manufacturing facilities, can be waived away, just like everything else, by saying “I’m a good old boy, I tried my best, I stand by my decision, sorry for your loss, we should stay the course" (and four of those are lies, my friend)...like the whole darn country is made up of nothing but simpletons and fools...

Your lies disgust me, President Bush. You make me sick, and you make me distrust Christianity and to want more than anything to disassociate myself from it. Apparently Christianity is not about washing feet, it’s about kicking ass (yee haw!). If you are a Christian, as you say you are, then I want to be the opposite of that. Then Christianity is disgusting and vile and hurtful and proud (without a basis for pride) - never humble - as you most assuredly are all of those things and more and worse.



And I’ll end with this. I feel like a torturer. I have not water-boarded anyone. I haven’t shocked anyone’s genitals. I haven’t deprived anyone of sleep or made them listen to Eminem and Dr. Dre at excruciating volumes for days on end. I have not humiliated anyone. I have not wiped my butt with the Koran. I have not urinated on it. I have not applied thumbscrews or driven anyone’s organs to the brink of failure. I have not applied chemicals to anyone’s skin so that it burns and peels. I have not denied anyone of the use of a bathroom until their bowels release. I have not taken pictures of people in the nude. I have not assaulted them with vicious dogs, but my money was used to do it all and it still is. Everyday at work, I make money and pay taxes which support our government, which uses my tax revenue to do horrible, despicable, unconscionable and disgusting things with it. I funded Abu Ghraib. I funded the secret torture prison in Afghanistan. I’ve funded unending detainment of people who may or may not be a threat to me. I’ve funded all kinds of torture and detainment and wiretaps, and I’ve funded the erosion of civil liberties in America. I funded an administration which is above the law: above the Geneva convention, above the Bill of Rights, above college admission rules, but not above secret Executive orders to circumvent rights we once held sacred. I have been passive in allowing inhumane and cruel things to be done in my name, and in the name of a country I (somehow still) love. And so I have done all those things, just the same as if I'd been there dunking undeserving people into tanks. That's me. That's my picture with the cigarette in my mouth laughing and giving the thumbs up sign right by a pile of naked Iraqis. I think torture is funny. I do it all the time. I do it every day.

And the contrast is so striking to me that it's absurd. Phones are being tapped, the detained are going insane as I...

as I...

As I...scurry about to buy gifts for people who, like me, are richly blessed - excess in a land of excess during a season of excess – sometimes I feel sick about what America has become…about what America means now after 5 years with a sociopath for President and a sadistic sociopath for Vice President (Christians both)...about how easy it was (cue the anthem, position the flag, invoke the eagle, act dumb) to make it all happen. I hate to play the bah humbug card, but it’s very hard for me not to feel just completely ill when I think of it all. Completely ill.



* where "silver lining" = "payday for big oil."
** where, in my dreams, "W" = "Worst President evaaaah"